Letter to My Daughter ~ 43 Months

Rachey,

It's been almost a month since Jack was born. You've been a great big sister. You like to hug and kiss him and pat his back to help me burp him. You bring me things I need for him whenever I ask. You don't seem to mind his crying, and I'm glad that we warned you about that before he came to live with us. We told you he would cry when he was hungry, poopy, sleepy, cold, lonely, bored... We told you that crying was the only way he could communicate with us for a while and you've accepted that graciously.

We have not seen jealousy at all. Most of the people who have brought us a gift for Jack also bring something for you. Getting a baby brother has been like a month-long birthday party for you. You've gotten toys, clothes, coloring books, paints and many trips out with Dee-Dee. Lucky girl!

We had your last soccer game last month. You continued your non-playing. It was our first social trip out with Jack, who was only 3 days old! It seemed that everyone who saw you asked, "How do you like your baby brother?" or some form of that question and your response? Running away. People have been so thoughtful to bring you "big sister" gifts, but they haven't thought about how you might be tired of that question, even just 3 days in. :)

We're not sure if you got a lot out of your soccer season... but we think you had fun... and it was a good first exposure to team sports. We opted NOT to sign you up for T-ball, but we ARE going to sign you up for dance classes in the fall... and you'll probably play soccer (and maybe T-ball) next spring. We want to expose you to as many activities as we can so you can get lots of different experiences and skills and figure out which one(s) you like best.

I'm thinking now of how our time together has been forever altered. How you are no longer an only child and my attention will never again be devoted only to you. It is a bittersweet feeling and it is worded very nicely in a poem I came across. The author is unknown, and I took the liberty of changing a few words to make them apply better to us.

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Loving Two

I walk along holding your 3-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the love you feel for him exude from your gentle arms, awestruck eyes and sweet voice. There is no hint of jealousy, but I wonder if one day you'll tell me, "Please love only me." I imagine myself thinking,"I can't," knowing that I never can again.

Is this new baby an intruder on the precious relationship we share? A relationship we can never quite have again?

But as I mother this new being, sometimes I feel almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him. Do you think I am betraying you?

The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.

There are new times - only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you - as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments.

And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you - you each have your own supply.

I love you both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.